Thursday, August 16, 2012

Sh*t bucket incoming!

Six years ago my dad was on a ladder. The ladder broke. He had a massive brain injury. He wasn't supposed to live. He wasn't supposed to breathe on his own. He wasn't supposed to eat. He wasn't supposed to talk. He wasn't supposed to walk. Yet he does all those things. He took his sweet time, but he did them all, one by one.

During that so called 'sweet' time the rest of us had a different idea of what to call it. It was my mom who came up with our term. Exhausted, scared, no control of the situation, fighting to help save her husbands life, she spat out "I have a shit bucket looming over my house" and it has been a staple ever since. A very dear friend of mine actually designed shit bucket shirts for all of us. I wear mine with pride to this day (love you Sue!).

My friends know I swear like a sailor. My mom, a tiny ball of energy, always seeking deeper understanding and meaning, always looking for the positive, continuously seeing the good in others, and a fierce advocate for her friends, family, and for those in need, is not a sailor. So for her to say 'shit' makes me do two things. One- I take notice and two- I giggle.

Today the shit bucket is hanging out over my house. Fortunately, it's not a stationary bucket. It travels around from house to house, spends time there making a mess of things, then leaves once you're covered in, well, shit. Here is how I ended up the lucky recipient:

I went to my doctor yesterday because I've been feeling like (you guessed it) shit. When I walked in he was on the phone with the doctor that will be doing the surgery that will give me my life back. My primary doc is totally on board, got me set up with what I need, reassured me that he thinks that I am in good hands. Then he told me I have walking pneumonia. Ahhhhh.... there's the edge of the bucket making it's way over my house... I can feel it's cold metal presence, suddenly there seems to be more flies buzzing around, can anyone else smell that or is it just me?

I'm allergic to pretty much any and all medicine that can kill bacteria and kill pain. I have both going on right now. I can take Vicodin, but thanks to some jackass in Florida that stole a prescription pad and wrote thousands of scripts for Vicodin, there is now a national shortage...  boy that bucket sure is getting bigger isn't it?

The antibiotic I'm on is about the size of a watermelon. Take 1 pill 374 times a day for the next 83 days and I'll be cured! Remember I'm weird with medicine (assuming you read that blog.) Antibiotics are no different. I need multiple doses to actually get rid of the crap I catch. The side effects of this stuff is fabulous! One of which is, if you are catching on you can guess, giving you the shits! Is that the handle of the bucket coming in to view?

There are feral cats in my neighborhood and we feed them. My neighbor is a colony manager with the city. I love these little guys! Breaks my heart. Well last night one of them showed us that he is really quite the lover and was just a bit shy. So we brought him in, and we will socialize him, and give him love, and the chance for a long and happy life. Awwww, isn't that cute. 3:30 am-7:30 am- MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW, repeat. This at 739 billion decibels. Have I mentioned I have a terribly hard time sleeping as it is? Yep, there's the handle, looks like the shit bucket might be taking up shop for a bit...

What finally solidified the bucket taking up camp over our house was a phone call I got from my positive, good in everyone, silver lining finding, ball of energy mom. She said "Help the Needy cannot designate funds to you. People can't claim a tax deduction to a charity when the money was going to a private individual." Drop F-bomb here---------> "They have to send all of your donations back." Another F-Bomb here-------> The great thing about Help the Needy was the tax deduction and the anonymity. Now they would have to out themselves and wouldn't get the deduction. And I'm out $1,000 of much needed funding.

So it looks like I'm eyeball deep in the bucket. I have flies buzzing around, walking pneumonia, a headache that won't quit, and I lost 1K of my funds. I am not even half way to what I need and I'm scheduled for surgery in 3 weeks. If anyone has a giant crane I can borrow to move this shit bucket please send it over. Otherwise, I'm accepting any and all miracles, and donations.