So it's the end of the year and what have I learned? That I'm no closer to an answer, I'm still naively trusting of people, and my patience is still intact.
Remember when I was complaining about having my life turned upside down, shaken, and shit hitting the fan? Well, that was merely practice for what was to come. Since I've last posted a blog 37 million years ago I've been through a few changes (to say the least)...
Let's start with the health thing because I know everyone wants to know what's up with the surgery. Yes, I am rescheduling the surgery. No, I can't have it yet. Somehow this idea of pulmonary hypertension has become lodged into the brains of my medical entourage. So a really long story short- they think I might have pulmonary hypertension... if I do indeed have pulmonary hypertension and introduce a catheter to clear my innards, then what could occur is that the newly cleared arteries would result in more blood rushing through my arteries causing a rapid increase in pressure and giving me a stroke. Since I'm in no hurry to experience a stroke (ever), I'm willing to get this checked out to the fullest extent. Stroking out on an operating table happens to be one of the risks of this procedure. So, no thanks. I'll wait.
Now we are all caught up. On health anyway. So what the hell took me so damn long to tell you 7 sentences worth of information? All the other shit that comes with hosting a beating heart, functioning brain, working lungs, or more simply- life.
Shortly after my need to reschedule my surgery my daughters life took a turn for chaotic... not being one to sugar coat things I'll just lay it out there. Feel free to drop your jaw, get pissed, swear even... Lord knows I did. First, I'll give a bit of background info. that I think is relevant. Chloe will be getting a full psychological workup. She's an intense, serious, sensitive kiddo that really requires a certain approach. She doesn't handle, or deal with things like most people. There is something there that I'd like to discover so that I can help her, communicate with her, and approach her in ways that would be the most helpful and benefit her in meaningful ways. Anyone that has ever met Chloe knows what I'm talking about... there is just something there.
Chloe has been at the same school for her entire educational career. I'm that neurotic parent that helicopters around and gives her teachers every minute detail of her existence. Including that she needs a very specific approach. Chloe had certain legal provisions spelling all this out (which I had to fight tooth and nail for) which I also made sure her teachers were aware of... I was surprised with the start of this school year when her new teacher actually called me to go over this information! Never had this happened before! Finally, I had a teacher that was on the ball! We had a great conversation, I let her know what Chloe needed, even though it was spelled out for her, and was happy as a clam when school started and Chloe was left in such proactive hands! Then the fits. Then the fights. Then the headaches, migraines, severe stomach pains, and demon child appeared. It was only September.
If there was an available doctor, Chloe was there. She had so many ailments in the first few weeks of school it was like Satan had taken up shop in Chloe's innards. Knowing a thing or two about kids behaviors I decided to observe Chloe in class too. I didn't want to leave anything out. Here is where it gets interesting... I witnessed several occasions of Chloe's teacher bullying her. Yes, I said bullying. Not only that, I had the classroom door slammed in my face, I was told that I was not allowed in the classroom, and I watched this 'teacher' wag her finger and chastise my child, belittle her, demean her character, and wipe the floor with her fragile self-esteem. No wonder Chloe was acting out and manifesting physical symptoms! She was being bullied by a person in a position of trust! Lasers shooting out of your eyes and swearing with disbelief yet? Yeah... me too. It gets better though!
The school reacted like this "If this teacher were indeed a bully, why do we not have 26 other families complaining?" My response- "Because 26 other kids aren't the target." We got nowhere. So after this outrageous behavior, no help from the school, and a child on the verge of a breakdown, we withdrew her from the only place she'd ever known. Enter the private school- Yes, Chloe was accepted. However, every time I went she was alone. She always had a million miles between her and the other students. She would always say "I don't mind being alone all the time mom. It's ok." No Chloe, it's not. The teachers were not helpful with the situation either. Chloe has a terribly hard time making friends as it is... so here she is in a new place, and not one person to talk to, and the teachers blew her off saying 'it's just a kid thing.' Then another bomb dropped...
Chloe's former school sent her new school information stating that Chloe was a 'severe behavioral problem. with 'doctor documentation' to support their claims. Now one lovely thing about her old school was this- behavior reports. Weekly behavior reports. Weekly behavior reports that required a parent signature no matter what the behavior. I've known every week since Chloe began school exactly how she behaved. Imagine my surprise when the new school informed me that my rule following, never once in trouble child was now a 'severe behavioral problem' not too mention my ridiculous belief that I'd somehow have to be aware of any doctor's examination and opinions. I'm absurd in thinking that I'd have to give my permission for such testing to be done. Silly me right?
Basically it is this- I blew the whistle on a beloved teacher and they retaliated by sending documents to her new school that would have her dismissed. Guess what happened? That's right! They dis-enrolled her stating that I was dishonest. When I asked to see this information they would not share it with me. They even went so far as to state Chloe was showing signs of school phobia at school because she was absent one day. Ummm what? It appears that the enrollment committee are all now a child psychiatrists. Stab me.
I was furious. First my kiddo is bullied, then the former school has the balls to lie and send false information to the new school, then the new school kicks her out!?!?!?!?! Yes they did, and yes they did. Talk about doing what's right for kids. Chloe is the one that had to endure all of this, and do her best to understand. She tries to comprehend that this isn't about her, that she, in fact, did nothing wrong. Now try making her believe that she is one kick ass human being! Not easy. She's hurt and she blames herself. It doesn't matter what I say- but every day of her life I remind how incredible she is, and that she's an amazing person inside and out.
She is home-schooled now. Nothing I ever imagined I'd ever do... and it's the most wonderful, hardest, entertaining, trier of patience ever known to man. She's not had any migraines, and her stomach ailments appear to have disappeared now. It's incredible! However, she misses the shit out of her friends. I enrolled her in a home school program that has her go to 'school' one day a week with other home schooled kids. She does nothing but fun things all day. It's just not the same. She misses her friends. She wants her buddies back. She misses the boy she's had a crush on since first grade. She misses her best friend. She even misses the kids that annoyed her. She wants her life back. I can't take her back there. Not next year, not ever. It's not right. She feels punished. It's been a struggle all around. It's been a struggle dealing with the social components of everything. And it tears me apart seeing her so lonely and unhappy about missing her friends. Everyone has their lives, people are busy, and it's hard to fit play dates in around all that. Being an only child doesn't help things much either. We've found a lot of support from many unexpected places, and we've lost some friends along this new journey.
So that's where I've been. Working from home, home schooling, and trying not to blow up from the inside.
I'm working on blood tests, heart tests, and math, English, science, and history tests now too... Keep us in your thoughts and feel free to donate as I still know that I will have this much needed surgery done! Life just had other plans for me for the time being... my daughter will always come first. I know you all can understand.
